


This Means War

by xxsilverlist



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Deadpool being Deadpool, Minor Violence, Not Canon Compliant, Prank Wars, Pranks, Team Bonding, Team as Family, and silly string, basically my attempt to start writing again, i guess, since deadpool is there, theres pies involved, wade drags peter along in his schemes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2018-12-18 08:46:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11870760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxsilverlist/pseuds/xxsilverlist
Summary: Deadpool decides to start a prank war with the avengers, meaning Peter also gets dragged into the mess. Or five times Spiderman and Deadpool prank the avengers and the one time they prank back.





	1. Tony Stark, Ballet Slippers, and a Big Green Surprise.

**Author's Note:**

> I am back!! And lets just say i've fallen down the rabbit hole that is Spider-Man: Homecoming. Hope everyone enjoys this fic, I've been doubting my writing for a while but I think I'm back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool starts a prank war starting with iron man...

The sound of his window opening has Peter up and slinging webs before he fully registers the masked vigilante falling onto the floor. He barely holds back a disgruntled groan, watching the guy struggle against his holds to reach a knife. It was way too late, or early, for this.

“You know you could’ve untied me,” Deadpool snarks grabbing Peter’s backpack and shoving a bag into it along with other suspicious looking items. “I thought we were friends Spidey?” Deadpool gives an unamused look that transfers through his mask, it makes Peter laugh.

“Sorry but you scared me. I was sleeping,” which reminds Peter it’s currently four in the morning. Shit. School, homework.

“Well now you’re awake and you’re going to help me extract revenge on the Avengers,” Deadpool states, unsheathing a knife from god knows where.

Peter feels a surge of panic run through his body, this is it Wade has finally lost whatever was left of his sanity. Only a week ago they had helped the Avengers when their fighting had ran into Queens and Hell’s Kitchen. “Um what did the Avengers do to you exactly Wade?”

That’s the moment wade decides to burst into dramatic fake crying (at least Peter hopes its fake crying) and wails, “They plastic wrapped all my weapons to my walls and used magic to make them stick and that damn Winter Soldier and Falcon stole my unicorn,” He stops to suck in air,

“This means war.”

*

Sneaking into the Avengers compound is a tad bit too easy for Peters liking. He’s seen the security systems, locks, cameras and just about every other alarm Stark has set to protect his self-declared family. And by extension all the measures Mr. Stark takes to protect and monitor Peter.

For some reason Deadpool gives less than two shits about the security and all but drags Peter up the front lawn.  

“Do you want to be tased, or frozen, or or...“ Peter trails off pulling at his mask.

“You worry too much Spidey I already took care of those pesky alarms and cameras.”

Peter gives him a look, hoping his lenses convey the expression of _how the hell did you do that_? Actually no, he doesn’t want to know that.

Wade slaps his hands across his face pretending to be offended, “What? Like its rocket science to shoot out a few cameras.”

“I am not taking part in this,” Peter mumbles standing a good five feet away from his sometimes crime fighting partner as he picks at the locks. Pranks were good harmless fun, breaking into the compound and risk getting tased? Not so much.

 

They break into the compound in ten minutes, Friday welcoming both in. According to Wade most of the avengers are either down in the training room or elsewhere giving them maybe twenty minutes to set their prank.

“We’re in, lets go!” Peter sighs shooting a web and swinging himself in ahead of the compound.

*

Peter sticks around in the compound long after Wade leaves to watch the first of many pranks run its course. He can think of a million other things he should be doing right now, including chemistry homework, but instead he finds his way to the main lounge area slinging himself up into the ceiling.

 

It doesn’t take long for the first prank to take place. There’s a shout and then a curse and then Tony Stark, the Iron Man, is running down the hall yelling, “God damnit Clint it’s one thing to plastic wrap the toilet but it’s another to add itching powder!”

Peter laughs quietly to himself, okay maybe that was worth the trouble of sneaking into the compound.

A moment later Clint, Tony and Steve round the corner into the room arguing amongst themselves.

“It wasn’t me!”

“It screams you Barton,” Tony huffs.

“I wish that’d been me, stop scratching your ass.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t Barnes?”

“Tony you know Barnes is with Sam and Nat on a mission.”

“Well someone pulled a prank and it’s time to own it,” Peter tries not to laugh out loud but the sight of the three avengers arguing added to the fact the Peter was witnessing Stark scratching himself every five seconds kinda made it worth it.

He watches Tony roll his eyes pointing first to Clint then to Steve. “I’d watch my backs if I were you.”

“Friday I want camera feed of the last six hours!” Stark yells, stomping off in the direction of his lab leaving behind a giggling Steve and Clint. Shame there wouldn’t be any evidence of who the prankster was.

*

Its two days later when the next part of the prank is set in motion.

Peter is training with Wanda and Sam, doing some light kick-boxing and throwing in sick flips at the same time because why not? It kept the two on their toes. Plus it was cool.

At least until Wanda gets frustrated and just uses a single streak of red magic to knock Peter mid-flip  and send him into the foam pit. “No fair! This is a no magic training session,” Peter mumbles, ussing a string of web to haul himself out of the pit and into a crouch.

Sam gracefully shoves him back into the pit, mumbling something about gimmicks and teaching the young spider manners.

What draws Peter out of the pit a second time is yelling, angry yelling. He shoots himself out, perching himself into the rafters where a certain Hawkeye is also hiding. He gives him a look and brings a finger to his lips. Peter bites the inside of his cheek and nods trying hard not to burst out laughing at what he knows is a great prank.

Peter scoots a few inches over and nods.

“Tony this is not funny, how the hell am I supposed to wash this shit off?” Rhodey is yelling, stepping into view. He’s in the War Machine suit, his faceplate lifted and Peter can’t help but snort at Wade’s artistic skills.

There’s a crown painted on the helmet and a tutu around the waist of the suit. Long streaks of pink where ballerina shoes would go and a shit ton of gold glitter coats the rest of the armor. The rest of the team is hiding their laughs as well, Natasha shoving her face into Sam’s back in a rare show of uncontrolled emotion and Barnes and Steve are holding each other’s arms silently laughing to themselves.

“Speak for yourself,” Stark grumbles, walking into Peters line of sight. The image of the Iron Man suit painted to resemble a patchy Chewbacca causes Clint to let out a loud laugh before he drops to the ground to join the rest of the team.

“Spidey get down here, you need to see this up close,” Barton yells up and Peter guesses it would be in his best interests to go down so he wouldn’t seem suspicious. He does laugh though, loudly and doubled over.

The Chewbacca Iron Man is funnier up close than when he’d watched Wade paint it from ten feet away. He lets out a laugh, “Wow Mr. Stark I didn’t know you were changing your look.”

“I am not,” Tony steps out of the suit, looking around. “Now who did this? Rogers you’re the only one with artistic ability own up.”

“Sorry Stark that isn’t my doing, I would’ve made Rhodey prettier.”

“Watch it Captain,” Rhodey grumbles. “I’m so going to get each and every one of you.”

“When?” Natasha smirks

“When I goddamn feel like it.” And with that Rhodey stalks off, Tony close on his heels saying something about how he can have the suits repainted by the end of the night.

 

 

Later in the evening when Peter is getting ready to leave Clint walks up to him slinging an arm carelessly around Spiderman’s shoulders. He tenses before remembering its Clint of all people and puts on an easy smile. “Hey Clint I was just leaving.”

“I can see that,” Barton smiles down on him and bends his head to whisper, “So who’s next on that list of yours?”

“Um I’m not sure need to check in with Deadpool—“ Peter freezes, glances over at Barton and swallows hard. Oh no.

“No need to worry I won’t tell anyone, it’s kind of fun watching Tony lose his shit.” With that Clint walk off with a salute and a, “Bye bug boy.”

If only he knew what Peter knew. He wouldn’t be so eager to watch the prank war go down.

*

It’s a bright Sunny afternoon when the last prank on Tony Stark goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Peter’s in the kitchen eating toast and cereal watching some talk show that currently has Steve and one of the X-Men on trying to make a fancy Italian dish and Steve is joking about how he’s Irish not Italian when Deadpool walks through the glass door without setting off the alarms.

Even Friday comments on it, “I seem to have added Mr. Pool into the clearance lists.”

“How did you hack Tony’s AI, actually no don’t tell me because he’ll ask me,” Peter grumbles.

“Shhh Spidey I hear him! Put your mask on,” Wade jumps up and down like an excited kid taking the last prank out of Peter’s backpack. How was he going to explain bloodstains on his chem homework?”

“3… 2…” Deadpool counts moving in for the strike.

“Surprise Bitch!” Wade slams a coconut cream pie into the face of his victim, rubbing it in for good measure.

Peter laughs for a solid three seconds before stopping, staring wide eyed at Tony Stark who is staring wide back at him, sans pie in the face.

“Friday, I needed my suit like five seconds ago!” Tony yells backing away quickly. As a response his wrists gauntlets fly into the room, the whirr of the rest of the suit distant in the background.

Peter decides to follow, slinging his way out the compound, “Wade! Run!”

 

Wade is still doubled over laughing, clutching at his sides when he hears a low “Deadpool!”

“Did I miss something?” he asks, looking out before looking back to the person covered in pie. Well fuck.

“DEADPOOL!”

 

 

Everyone laughs as Wade runs across the lawn of the compound, knives out and yelling, “Code Green!” Peter laughs from the roof watching Dr. Banner start to change shades. He squints wondering if that’s really a small smirk on the scientist’s face or a grimace. Or even a snarl. It’s hard to tell with all the whip cream and coconut pie in his face.

Deadpool apparently gets a five feet head start and then there’s Banner running after him, already changing into the Hulk, a stormy look on his face. None of the other avengers make a move to calm the Hulk so Peter stays where he’s at. That was Wade’s problem to deal with right now.

“Peter,” Tony says tiredly, landing next to the webslinger on top of the roof.

“Y-Yes Mr.Stark,” Peter sobers up wondering if he and Wade went too far this time.

Tony surprises Peter by letting out a sharp laugh, pointing to the Hulk. “You’re lucky Banner has a better sense of humor then me.”


	2. The Winter Soldier, The Falcon, and The Pigeons.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometime pranks don't go the way they're supposed to....

Now a month later when Deadpool plucks Peter out of school he can’t even say he isn’t surprised. Wade had said he was going after all the Avengers but after being sat on by the Hulk he’d taken a few week to as he had put it ‘regroup and rethink the situation’. Still Peter is surprised that Wade can just waltz into his high school during gym with tacos and a machete.

“Can’t I at least turn in my Spanish homework? Wait let me put my mask on damnit,” Peter struggles out of the gym locker room scrambling to get his suit on. The last thing he would need is MJ seeing him be dragged out of school by Deadpool, or the entire student body for that matter.

“You can always go back to school young Parker but you can’t re-prank the Winter Soldier,” Wade says seriously, handing Peter a taco. Actually he can always prank the Winter Soldier anytime but it’s not worth pointing out to Wade.

“And anyways this way you don’t get pranked yourself, enjoy it!”

*

So Peter decided to enjoy it.

 He and the Winter Soldier and Sam had a longstanding prank war between them already.  This just meant he got to take it to the next level. He was so going to get back at the time Sam put a tarantula in his room in the compound. Plus get to raise hell with Bucky and give him shit for always saying he was too young to be on the team.

This time he used his own clearance to walk through the front door, not wanting Wade to hack into anymore of Stark’s systems. Friday would have to sound the alarms at some point after so many break-ins.

“Okay I am ready to do this, lets go,” Peter shoots out a web blocking a few of the cameras the rest, well most, of the team already figured out that Deadpool was behind the pranks anyway. Still it was fun to mess with whoever’s looking at the security cameras that day.

*

 

 

“Are you sure this is going to work Spidey?” Wade asks watching as Bucky made popcorn in the kitchen. They’re both wedged in one of the many air vents running through the compound, watching the assassin mill about the kitchen through the vent. Wade shifts again, making the vent groan, Peter doesn’t like the way it sounds but he shoves aside his sense that somethings off in favor of pressing closer to the vent opening.

Peter shrugs, he doesn’t really know if the prank will work but he’s hoping it will. “One hundred percent its mine and Stark’s invention, sorta.” It’s a classic prank with a few modifications at least that’s how Peter is looking at it.

“I mean he has to use the sink eventually.”

“He’s making popcorn Parker.”

A movement catches peter’s eye and he clamps a hand over Wade’s mouth, staring out through the vent to watch Bucky shuffle around the kitchen grab one of those large glasses Tony keeps around for the Super soldiers. Peter’s eyes widen has he heads towards the large industrial sink wondering if maybe this was a good idea to piss off the assassin.

Well it’s not like its Natasha anyways, and Bucky likes pranks.

Bucky turns on the spout, getting a spray full of water to the face. “What the--!” He fumbles to turn it off, but water pressure gets harder thanks to the tweaking Peter and Tony had done to the spout a few days ago. “Fuck! Spidey, Wade!”

By the time Bucky gets the water shut off he’s soaked completely in the front from his hips up. His hair curls at the nape of his neck thanks to the water, making the deadly looking assassin look a little less threatening, slightly.

Peter can’t help but laugh silently, nudging Deadpool in the ribs. “That was freaking awesome.”

Wade on the other hand is full on chortling, slapping Peter’s shoulder with one hand and using the other to cover his mouth over his mask. “Did you see that? Look at his face, he looks like a grumpy cat!” Deadpool practically yells, moving to get a better view from the vent.

Bucky looks over his shoulder, scowling, making Peter freeze. “Ugh Wade be quiet I think he heard us.”

“Shush Spidey let me enjoy my revenge.”

Bucky makes a quick circle around the kitchen and Peter just knows the assassin is closing in on them. “Deadpool! You fucker!” Bucky shouts pulling a small pistol of his pocket and firing three sharp shots into the vents.

The shots manage to miss Peter completely but hit Wade in the knee, shoulder, and foot. Peter lets out a weak laugh because hey that was a little funny.

“Abort mission! Abort!” Wade yells trying to crawl backwards out of the vent at about the same time the vent gives way underneath them.

They both fall to the ground in a blur of red, Peter managing to land squarely on Wade. “Ow…” He looks up to see Bucky pointing the pistol square at him and Peter’s heart stops for a solid five seconds before he sees the small and quick smirk appear on his face before Bucky moves a few centimeters to the left and shoots Wade in the ass.

“That was unnecessary! Come on.” Wade moans. Dropping his head to the ground.

“It was very necessary,” Is all Bucky deadpans before storming out the kitchen yelling, “Stark!”

*

Wade doesn’t seem to learn and neither does Peter apparently if the backpack full of plastic birds and rope and silly string are anything to go by.  Peter tries not to think about how the Avengers haven’t tried to pull any counter attacks. No pranks pulled off, no friendly fire at the two. Well except the not so friendly fire from Bucky, but Peter finds it odd that not even Mr. Stark hasn’t played a small prank on Spider-Man and Co.

They work quickly, messing up Sam’s and Bucky’s rooms as quietly as Peter can get Deadpool and even then the man has to moon one of the cameras in the hall.

They go to one of Starks labs and Friday pulls up the camera feed for both of them to watch the prank unfold. Deadpool reclines on a chair a bag of popcorn and junior mints in his lap. Peter takes out his English assignment, a worn copy of 1984 (Thanks to Wanda) and starts reading.

Sam’s the first to react, he comes walking out his room calmly holding one of the plastic pigeons and heads over to the common room where Bucky and Steve are playing a game of cards.

Peter holds his breath as Sam walks up to Bucky before throwing the plastic pigeon at him forcefully. There’s no audio on the cameras but it safe to assume from the faces Bucky and Sam are making that they are yelling while Steve tries desperately to diffuse the situation. Bucky throws up his hands before running off to his room.

Bucky runs back out throwing another bird at Sam’s head. The two start arguing again, Steve stepping in between the middle of them with a bemused expression.

Steve must say something along the lines of “Hey remember Deadpool and Spidey are fucking with us” because all three look at the camera and give them the finger. Bucky repeatedly.

Wade claps and gives Peter a high-five. Now for the last part, Peter carefully puts away his homework getting ready for the Winter Soldier and Falcon to come after him and Wade.

 

Except Bucky and Sam sit back down instead of running out of the room.

Instead Vision floats into the room, setting off the last prank Wade had set up. A dozen different lengths of rope shoot out and tangle up the android and two cans of silly string finish off the job. On the floor sits a tied up, silly stringed, and very pissed off Vision. It’s the most expressionate Peter has seen Vis in a long time.

Peter stands, knocking over his chair as soon as the mind stone starts glowing faintly. He starts backing up, wishing he was in his suit and not dressed in Avenger issued sweatpants and a hoodie from his decathlon team.

He watches the ropes and silly string melt off of Vision. Bucky, Steve, and Sam all look worried as Vision stands and dusts himself off. Steve says something Peter wishes he could hear and it apparently only makes Vision frown more.

Peter blinks and the android is gone.

“Go—“

“But look—“

“Go, damnit!”

*

“I told you to run faster,” Deadpool whispers loudly.

Peter snorts, “I told you not to throw a knife at Vision.”

Peter tries to wiggle of the webbing he’s being currently held in, squished up next to Wade. He hates him at the moment. He hates Vision for chasing after them and making Peter panic. Look where that got them, webbed up by their feet and hanging off a branch.

“I can almost reach my switch-blade if I… dislocate my… got it!” Wade chirps.

A minute later they both fall headfirst onto the ground and Peter thinks he can hear Mr. Stark laughing in the distance.

“I don’t think I’ve seen Vision get that angry in a long time,” and no yeah that is definitely Mr. Stark laughing above him. Peter looks up and meets the Iron Man’s kneecaps, he tilts his head higher getting a good look at a laughing Tony Stark.

“Go home Wade, now,” Stark says and hauls Peter up dusting off leaves off his shoulder. “Peter you are going to apologize to Vision.”

Peter feels his cheeks heat up at the embarrassment of having to apologize to them team member he knew the least and the team member that scared him a lot. Only Natasha rose above Vision in scaring him. Or maybe that could be Wanda, it depended on the day.

“Do I really have to? It was a prank!”

“ _Now_ ,” Peter scrambles, hastily walking back to the compound.

He gets a text the moment he walks into the common room and mentally groans, wondering if Wade really had a death wish.

 

_Widow and Scarlet are next!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone that is reading this! I think updates are going to be on sundays btw..


	3. Black Widow and Scarlet Witch's Girl Time, Interrupted.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter target the next two most dangerous Avengers....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little late but heres the next chapter :)

So maybe Deadpool did have a pretty big death wish after all. Maybe Peter had a death wish too. Or maybe Peter just kept getting bribed with food. Specifically his favorite foods from his favorite places.

Barely a week after the incident with Vision Deadpool comes crashing in through Peter’s window, shattering the glass. Ned also happened to be there, quizzing him for the next decathlon practice. His friend looked wide eyed at Deadpool who was currently letting out a stream of cuss words while firing a pistol off in the distance.

Peter allowed himself one minute to bury his face in his hands and regret his life choices before screaming, “Deadpool! Stop!”

Wade gives him a look, shoots off one more round and then pockets the gun carefully.  “Sorry?”

“You know Deadpool?” Ned asks, staring in awe from Peter to Wade looking like he’s seeing a new side to his friend.

“I, um, yeah had the unfortunate chance of meeting him,” Peter stutters. He turns his attention to Wade, pointing a finger. “Why are you here?”

Deadpool sits across from Ned, flipping through the deck of cards by him. “Well because Spidey, or wait… Peter, we have a prank to pull on Widow and Scarlet.”

“Whoa that’s pretty brave of you Peter, you’re really gunna prank the Black Widow and Scarlet Witch?” Ned stage whispers, scooting over to where he’s pressed against Peter’s legs and farther way from Deadpool.

“Please don’t remind me.”

Deadpool takes out a phone so heavily cracked Peter wonders if it even works. “Come on its six, the girls have left to for their nightly girl talk and coffee. Lets go!”

Peter stands and stretches feeling nervous yet excited to pull off this prank. It’s sure to be their hardest yet, Peter can hope though that Natasha and Wanda don’t feel like killing them that day.

He gears up slinging his backpack and follows Deadpool out his broken window. He would worry about what he’d tell Aunt May later. He gives Ned the key to lock up and with a jump he swings off the building following Deadpool’s trail.

*

They sneak into Natasha’s room first careful not to disturb anything she might notice the first few seconds of stepping into her suite. Peter and Deadpool work silently for once trying to finish the job before the spy can come and run them out.

Once the prank is set up they move just as quietly into Wanda’s suite, Deadpool quickly hacking into the security system. They have more free reign with Wanda, the girl not having the intricate training Natasha’s had.

“Look she has a stuffed cat!” Deadpool squeals, picking up the stuffed animal from Wanda’s bed. “Think she’ll mind if it goes missing?”

“Wade,” Peter hisses finishing up the webbing he was currently shooting to hold up a few dozen balloons. “Put it back.”

Wade sighs but places the cat back on the bed and blows a handful of glitter onto the bed making sure it covers every inch of Wanda’s knit blanket.

“There, I think we’re done,” Deadpool announces, tossing more glitter into the air.

“Yeah lets go,” Peter says, tugging at his backpack. They’ve been here too long and there’s been no sign of the Black Widow and Scarlet Witch. He back pedals out of the room, re-doing the security system and hoping it works. He tells Friday not mention they’ve been there and with a solid thud from the door they both jog down the hallways, making a beeline for the same lab they’ve been holing up in to watch the pranks happen.

*

“Why are we only seeing the hallway Spidey?” Wade asks, shoving up his mask to toss a few Skittles in his mouth.

“Might be because it’s the girls’ suites for one,” Peter drawls, trying to do Calculus homework. “And two because there are no cameras in everyone’s private suit, because hey we all trust issues.”

They sit in silence again for another half hour, Wade practically asleep in his chair, when Peter catches movement out of the corner of his eye. Its Wanda and Natasha laughing, walking down the hallway to their rooms. It’s the most carefree Peter has seen Natasha, usually getting her half smiles and unimpressed looks. Wanda looks happier too, pulling Natasha close to her to whisper something in her ear.

“Wade wake up!” Peter shoves the merc, watching him sputter awake.

“What—“  Wade pulls out a small pistol aiming it nowhere, “Where’s the intruder?”

“No intruder but look,” Peter exasperates pointing to the computer screen.

They barely catch the two women walk into their suites, and Deadpool leans forward anxious to see what will happen. Peter quickly shoves his things into his bag and readies his webs.

Five minutes go by and the two doors burst open Natasha and Wanda coming out. Peter can barely see the glints of glitter in her hair and a balloon rolling at her feet. At the same time Natasha pulls at her shirt covered in glitter and feathers.

Peter can see sparks of red energy shoot out of Wanda’s hands and see the electricity around her crackle. Natasha throws knives at walls and Peter wonders if they should run now or run to Mr. Stark. Bucky actually would probably be a better choice.

Peter blinks twice and watches the scene unfold. Wanda stops shooting energy out of her and Natasha stops shooting.

Peter counts to ten, slowly.

Wanda throws a ball of red energy down the hall before storming off after it.

Natasha checks her gun before aiming at the camera and letting off a round.

The camera cracks and Peter can barely just make out Natasha stalking down the hallway.

“We’re going to die,” Wade whispers.

*

Training the next day has Peter a nervous wreck. He avoids Natasha and Wanda, opting to train with Sam and Steve hitting punching bags and curling dumbbells. Or at least he tries to keep up with the dumbbells, he tries to keep up with the super soldier and Falcon but ends that only has him sprawled out on the floor clutching his water bottle to his chest. He swears he really did give it his best, but not even his enhanced body can keep up with them.

“What can’t keep up?” Sam jokes, handing Peter another cold water bottle. “And we were taking it easy on you.”

Peter wheezes in response, gulping down the fresh water until he drains the second water bottle. “You two are too hard on the young spider, leave him alone Rogers, Sam.” Peter squints at the sound of Natasha’s voice, trying to find her in the bright light.

“He’s gotta be whipped into shape Nat, he can’t even curl 75’s,” Sam laughs, “Maybe you can train him better then we can.”

“Come on _molodoy pauk_ ,” Nat says, quirking her eyebrow, “Come do gymnastics with me.” She hauls Peter up and without another glance walks over to the high beams and foam pit. Peter follows her, twisting the cap on his water bottle all the way over. He doesn’t exactly like when she starts speaking Russian.

They stretch in silence, Natasha sliding into the splits while Peter rolls out a knot in his calf. There’s a fine dusting of glitter all over her and a few feathers stick to the black gloves she wears.

He does a few flips, trying to put space between them. He watches out of the corner of his eye, Natasha roll and flip over the bars. He rolls and pops back up, swinging himself over into a roundhouse kick before letting himself jump onto a pedestal.

Wanda wonders over and does a few cartwheels before launching herself into a front handspring and landing next to Natasha. The two girls start giggling and whispering, and Peter tries his best to ignore it. They’re plotting his doom and he can feel it, where’s Wade when he actually wanted him around?

Peter decides to be the bigger person in this. He flips down and walks over to Natasha and Wanda and before he loses his nerve, “Um, Natasha? Wanda? You aren’t upset about the prank right? I mean you’re not going to, you know, kill me?”

Natasha and Wanda share a look before they both burst out laughing, Wanda grabbing her sides and Natasha actually genuinely laughing red curls falling in front of her face. “No we’re not going to kill you Spidey!” Wanda gets out, choking on her own giggles.

 _“Moy dorogoy molodoy pauk,”_ Natasha says almost fondly, looking slightly concerned, “What made you think that?”

“Well ‘cause Wade mentioned you’d have his balls, and well the others haven’t reacted well to the pranks either…” Peter trails off, face burning and not knowing quite what else to say. Can’t exactly say also you two scare the living hell out of me even though I consider you an aunt and a sister to me.

Natasha face pinches for the slightest of moments before looking amused, Wanda snorts next to her waving away Peter. “Well Spidey I am going to Wade’s balls at some point but that’s usually an empty threat and unlike the others Wanda and I know a prank when we see it.”

“Of course it frustrated us” Wanda cuts in, “But it’s a prank, and it was harmless. Nothing a vacuum cleaner and Tony’s Dum-E can’t clean. Pietro used to pull pranks on me all the time when we were kids”

“So you two aren’t mad at me?”

“No.”

“Nope. Not all.”

Peter lets out a sigh of relief and begins to turn away, ready to find a snack at the lounge. “I’d still watch your back Spidey!” Natasha calls after him, but when he turns back around the girls are gone, everyone else absorbed in their own work out.

Well shit.

*

In the community kitchen, Peter finds Deadpool snacking on the left over Thai he had saved from last night and his mood darkens further. “That was my food Wade”

“Oops?” Wade shrugs and continues eating pushing a tray of dumplings towards him.

“So who’s next?” Peter asks, knowing Wade was in the compound for a reason and not just to eat his Thai. He ignores the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, waving it off as just the general feeling he tends to get around Wade, yet something doesn’t quite feel right.

“Well Spidey let’s see…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again thank you all for reading and leaving kudos!


	4. Captain America, a Rubber Duck, Bubbles, and The God of Thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool buys ten pounds of hatch chili peppers, a gallon of dish detergent, and teaches Peter's Chemistry class.   
> Peter wants to move countries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as edited as I wanted but I really wanted to get this chapter up today.

“… And that’s how we’re going to prank Captain America,” Deadpool said to Peter’s Chemistry class. He wanted to shrink down like Ant-Man or even just crawl under his lab station, but to his own horror he found that he couldn’t move.

How the hell did the school security even let Deadpool in? Peter looks around slowly watching his classmates, some look queasy others looked plain scared and a few managed to look excited at the prospects of pranking America’s National Icon. How was he going to explain that no, not everyone was going to prank Captain America.

Peter sends a look at Ned before shooting a glance at Mj, she’s smirking and sends a wink Peter’s way. “So Mr. Pool when do we get to prank the old man?”

Wade stops drawing penises on the dry erase board and looks over at Mj with a bored expression, “Actually class is dismissed but I do need to talk to um,” Deadpool grabs the attendance sheet out of the teacher’s hand and makes a show of scrolling down, “A Mr. Peter Parker, if he could stay after class that would be fantastic!”

Peter feels his face heat up as the class turns to look at him, a few snicker at him while the rest move to grab their stuff and rush out the classroom. Flash makes it a point to yell out, “Peter Parker is going to die today!”

“Hey you kids can’t leave yet! The bell hasn’t rung!” Peter’s teacher protests, standing up from his chair.

Deadpool pulls out a katana lazily pointing the weapon at Peter’s teacher, “Oh no they’re leaving. Me and Peter have business to attend to.”

Peter looks at his teacher and nods quickly, “It’ll be alright, promise, I’ll be here tomorrow.” His teacher nods hesitantly and quickly walks out of the classroom, leaving Wade and Peter alone.

“Do you want to blow my cover!” Peter whisper-yells throwing his hands up. Leave it to wade to blow his secret cover.

“But I didn’t, that is an accomplishment,” Wade snarks. “So now lets go prank Captain America.”

“And how are we going to do that?” Peter sighs, grabbing his things and stuffing papers into his bag.

“Exactly how I explained to the class.”

Peter groans following Wade out of the classroom and into the empty school, classes still in session. This was going to be interesting to say the least.

*

 

Peter tip-toed into Captain America’s suite looking out for sign that he still might be here. He clutches his bag to his chest tightly, trying not to disturb anything. “Go set up Cap’s prank Peter,” he mocks walking into Cap’s bedroom. “I need to finish baking these cookies for Thor, Peter.” He grumbles as he walks into the bathroom.

To be honest Peter was glad he was setting up this prank and not helping with whatever Wade was doing in the kitchen. He did not want to know what the ten pounds of hatch chiles were going to be used for. Or the jalapeños, five bags of chocolate chips, and gallon of vanilla flavoring.

 

Peter looked around the bathroom admiring the suite. Stark obviously had put much more thought into the original Avengers suites than he had his, Wanda’s, and Visions. The bathroom floor was white and gray marble, the sleek beaten chrome bathtub looked like it could belong in this century or the last one. There was a shower with four shower heads which was going to prove the prank a little difficult to pull off.

Peter glanced back to the bedroom walls painted navy blue with pewter trimming, wished his suite had dark hard wood flooring instead of plain beige carpet and a king-sized bed with so, so many pillows.

His phone buzzes with a text from Wade.

_Cookies are baking Cap and Falcon finishing up their run! :)_

Peter gets the move on going to the shower and unscrewing the shower heads and carefully pouring the Kool-Aid mixes into each one of them. Carefully screws them back on and leaves a rubber duck painted to look like Deadpool on the soap dish.

Next, he moves to the toilet hidden by a half wall that’s paneled with rough stones. He dumps almost half a bottle of dish detergent into the toilet hoping it would yield the best results. He takes a moment to smell the various soaps and lotions on the counters pocketing one for himself. What?  It’s not like Cap would exactly notice one small bar of soap missing that smelled like the best thing ever to Peter.

Another buzzing from his phone and Peter books it out the suite and all but throws himself into Bucky’s suite when he hears Steve’s voice from down the hall. He crashes through the door and slams it shut launching himself in the general direction of the t.v.

He lands on the couch next to the Winter Soldier and lets out a loud sigh. He glances up at the assassin watching how the man’s expression turns from startled to amused.

“ _Pauk_ what exactly are you doing?”

Peter swallows hard and pulls out a bag of chips from his backpack, “What I can’t spend some quality time with my favorite Avenger?”

Bucky shrugs digging his hand into the bag and pulling out a handful of chips turning back to the tv. “That’s bull _Pauk_ we both know we are mortal enemies.” Peter has to make sure the small smile on Bucky’s face in genuine.

Then Bucky goes and pulls Peter in a headlock rubbing his metal fist over his head until his hair sticks up with static. “I saw Wade baking in the kitchen, what the fuck are you two getting up to with ten pounds of chili peppers? Do you know how ridiculous he looks in that fucking ruffled pink and yellow apron?”

Peter laughs, snorting as he imagines just how awful Wade must look, probably scarring the rest of the Avengers for life. “At least he has his suit on, last time he tried to cook something in my apartment he was naked and Aunt May walked in as I was trying to get him to put on pants!”

Bucky lets out a loud laugh, gripping his sides. Peter counts it as a win if he can make the Winter Soldier smile and laugh in the same day. “Man I do not wanna picture ‘at ‘gain,” Bucky drawls in a rare display of his Brooklyn accent.

They both sit in silence after the laughing stops, eating chips and watching some Disney movie Peter doesn’t really remember watching as a kid but its good so far.

Eventually the movie ends and Bucky glances at Peter. “Who did you prank this time? You know I have to give it to you leaving birds in mine and Sam’s rooms. Couldn’t sleep in here for a few days because I kept seeing pigeons everywhere.”  

Peter chuckles at that before answering. “Um Cap, we pranked Cap. Friday was supposed to let Wade and I know when he got out of the shower.”

“Oh Stevie takes ridiculously long showers but I’ll go drag him out if you want me to?” Bucky looks like he’s fighting to control himself like he might start giggling which frankly is scaring Peter just a little bit.

“Um sure.”

Steve beats Bucky too it. “Peter! Wade! Get the fuck over here!” Steve yells from his room, loud enough for everyone else on the floor below and above to hear.

Peter tip-toes out of the room Bucky following close. “Remember Stevie it’s a prank war,” he says lowly leaning against the wall.

“I know there’s a prank war going on,” Steve huffs, “This is just a little too… extra.” Peter tries to cover his giggles but its no use to the super soldiers hearing and all Peter can do is shrug laughing some more.

“Well now you really look like the star-spangled man with a plan,” Deadpool chirps, skipping his way towards them. Natasha, Clint, and Tony follow behind trying to cover their laughs.

Peter glances at Steve again taking in his work. The front of him is slightly blue colored thanks to the Kool-Aid, the red on his back took more brightly and around his sides are a little yellow that Peter guesses is close enough to white.

Peter watches Steve take three long deep breaths before letting them out slowly turning to face Deadpool. “You are going to stop my toilet from blowing bubbles.”

Deadpool kicks imaginary rocks around, lowering his head. “Yes Mr. America, Captain Sir.”

“But first can we all watch Thor eat some of my infamous cookies?”

“Why are they infamous Deadpool?” Clint asks sounding slightly bored.

“You’ll see, lets go now now now,” Deadpool claps his hands pulling Steve with him towards to common area despite the only thing Steve wearing was a towel.

 

 

 

By the time they make their way to the kitchen area Thor is already there asking Wanda if she made the cookies. Vision looks hesitant about either of them eating it, pointing to Deadpool when the mercenary walks in.

“If he made them it would be wise if the both of you do not eat those cookies.”

“I cannot be felled by some cookies Vision,” Thor grumbles moving to grab one. “Rogers why are you naked? And dyed blue?”

Everyone turns to in time to see Steve turn red as he ducks behind the kitchen island dragging Bucky to his side. They whisper fight amongst themselves for a few minutes, Bucky giving Steve a glare that would’ve had Peter backing away quickly but only has Steve swatting his arm.

Natasha sighs and leans on the counter. “Its not like we haven’t seen you naked Steve, anyways this is a no judgment floor.” She levels a glare at Deadpool who just shrugs and pushes the cookie platter closer to Thor.

“You think I care about Captain America’s junk? Because I totally do,” Deadpool whispers to himself before turning to Thor. “I’d be careful eating those fresh out of the oven they’re a little hot.”

Thor shrugs waving the cookie at Vision. “I cannot smell anything on them Vis maybe that idiot just wanted to bake cookies at Stark’s expense.”

Thor eats the cookie smiling when nothing bad happens, he reaches for another and then another. Peter wants to go hide with Steve behind the island but finds himself unable to move. Clint has one, reaching into the fridge and pulling out the gallon of milk and taking a big sip from it. He signs something to Natasha who signs back and gives Peter’s elbow a pinch.

After the fourth cookie Thor’s face turns slightly red, a small sweat breaks out on his nose and forehead. “What the…” He makes a face moving to where Clint is sipping on a glass of milk and takes it from him downing the glass in a gulp. “Hot, they’re hot.” He moves to the fridge grabbing the milk carton and chugging it down.

Deadpool giggles clapping his hands before he offers Wanda and Vision a cookie. Wanda crumbles it with her mind turning her back to him while Vision swats the other cookie out of Deadpool’s hand.

Peter turns back to Thor who has now began chugging orange juice in earnest while Clint fills a big glass with water.

The water finally does it as Thor wipes his mouth, lighting shooting out of his hands. “Deadpool!” The mercenary squeals but doesn’t move, hopping in place instead.

A single streak of lightning hits Deadpool, leaving him smoking and singed around the edges.

Everyone laughs at Deadpool as he catches fire. Clint rolls his eyes and goes off after Thor with another glass of water and the lemon bars Wanda had made the other night.

“I think you ruined chocolate chip cookies for him,” Natasha manages to say between chuckles as she presses her face into Bucky’s shoulders. “For everyone.”

Deadpool, bless him, tries one for himself muttering about they’re not that bad. “Holy fuck balls these are hot!” he screams minutes later going to the fridge “How did Thor make it through four?”

“Where the fuck is the milk? The OJ?” He screams flapping his hands around. “Water I need water, guys help me. Peter…!”

Peter shakes his head grinning, “Don’t forget to unclog Cap’s toilet,” he calls following Natasha out of the room after she unceremoniously dumps the remaining cookies in the garbage.

 

 

 

 

Later that night as Peter retells the story to Ned his phone buzzes. “You’d think he’d learn his lesson, no he doesn’t.” Peter mumbles reading the text message.

_We still have Hawkeye to get. Tomorrow bright and early._

 

Peter groans, swatting away Ned when he asks to see the text message. How did this become his life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic kinda got pushed to the back of my mind as life got in the way. Anyways I hope these last few chapters will be better than the others. Thanks for reading!


	5. Hawkeye and the Not So Good Week, Deadpool buys a Love Potion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Deadpool comes up with many shitty prank ideas and Peter comes up with a few trick up his sleeves. Clint can smell them out a mile away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally an update! Omg it was so hard looking up pranks for this chapter. Happy reading :)

Peter was not awake enough to prank Clint. The sun was barely out for Christ’s sake! Peter rubs his eyes letting out a yawn, tugs his hoodie over his eyes more as he tries to sleep during the car ride from Queens to the Compound.

“Pop quiz Spidey! How does one prank the prankster himself?” Deadpool chirps throwing a half-eaten bagel at Peter. At least his reflexes are working and Peter manages to catch the everything bagel with blueberry cream cheese and strawberry jam (Deadpool’s disgusting order everyday) before it hits his face.

Lazily he rolls down the window, mutters a sorry to the environment and tosses the god-awful thing out the window.

“Rude,” Deadpool hisses before his voice goes back to cheery. “Answer the question Peter, how do we prank Hawk-guy?”

“Can I please have coffee first?”

“Nope!”

“Well I don’t know! He’ll sense anything we’re going to try and do right away?” Peter groans going through his bag to find something edible, he comes up with a snicker and a pack of gum. It’ll do.

“Exactly that’s why this prank is going to last over the course of a week, with pranks so subtle he won’t even know what happened.”

Peter sighs not bothering to answer Wade because apparently, they’re on first name basis now and all that jazz. He wonders if the mercenary has a list of the pranks on him, Peter’s curious about how they’re going to prank the biggest troll (besides Steve) in the Avengers.  Were they going to get Natasha to help? Or Barnes, because that’s the only way Peter can figure out how to pull off a prank on Clint.

 

The compound comes into view and Wade hits the car horn enthusiastically, the loud, dull horn finally waking up Peter and every other driver around them. One brave driver pulls up next to them giving Wade the finger and mouthing what looks like ‘ _suck my ass’_.

Wade rolls down the window. “Now kids that was a rude gesture,” He says to the rearview mirror while tugging out a pistol from god knows where. “Time to die.”

“Deadpool!” Peter screams.

Deadpool sighs and puts the pistol back and steps on the gas, screaming out “Fuck you!”

~

The week of pranks goes horribly, horribly wrong like Peter expects it to.

~

**Day One**

That morning they replace all of Clint’s exploding arrows with glitter bomb ones, making sure there was one of each arrow in every one of his quivers, which were maybe four in total. Peter decided he was getting Clint more quivers for the holidays. The objective here was to get Clint to use one of the glitter bombs on himself or on an unsuspecting team member.

During training Peter keeps an eye out on Clint who’s shooting arrows at the rest of the team in a weird version of freeze tag. Currently frozen is Barnes (of course) Vision (he’s the first one out) and Stark because well Tony couldn’t be quiet long enough to notice that Clint was nocking an arrow.

Peter keeps his phone on Clint, Deadpool next to him eating a burrito.

“Why isn’t Peter running around!” Sam yells dodging an arrow to the waist by dropping to the floor.

Peter tenses hoping maybe Clint might take pity on him.

Deadpool snickers next to him, hitting him in the shoulder with the burrito. “Watch him land you with the glitter one.”

There’s a whoosh sound and Peter gets hit smack in the forehead with a rubber arrow a little flag unfolding that reads loser.

Another whoosh sound and Deadpool get knocked back onto the floor the glitter bomb exploding in a little puff cloud.

“Got them,” Clint shrugs, sending another arrow loose on Deadpool. It’s the same as Peter’s the little flag uncurling to reveal the middle finger emoji.

“I think we failed Spidey.” Deadpool calls out weakly.

Well, no shit.

*

**Day Two**

“I have a test Wade,” Peter hisses hooking up the fish lines to Clint’s apartment doors. “I can’t just be missing school.”

“I left your Spanish teacher a note, I think she’ll let you off the hook on this one,” Wade snarks lifting a bucket of foam onto the doorframe.

“What did you do?” Peter shrieks, tempted to hit Deadpool over the head with his own katanas. “Stop harassing my teachers!”

“I told her I’d dig up her old stripping days photo album and project it to the class.”

“I did not need to know that and that’s not nice!” Peter whisper yells again totally ignoring the looks Deadpool shoots his way.

 

They work in silence setting up the rigging that Peter ignores the way his Spidey senses start screaming in his head. He shrugs it off to being so close to Deadpool who always has about a small artillery on him.

Peter totally misses the way Clint sneaks up on them with two buckets of foam until Clint coughs behind them.

They both turn and Clint, plus Wanda, throw the buckets at them including the one Deadpool was trying to balance on the door thanks to a blast of Wanda’s magic.

“Strike two,” Clint laughs.

~

Tony and Bruce get a kick out of the two of them once they make their way into the labs. Stark wipes his eyes while pouring scotch for him and Banner while Bruce scrounges up one dingy towel for Peter to towel off with.

 

Peter shivers as Dum-E blow dries the two of them off, a series of beeps and screeches coming from the robot. Peter accepts the chastising in silence, glaring at Wade whenever the mercenary starts squealing a little too loud.

 

*

**Day Three**

They try the old pie in the face trick. Again.

Deadpool hides behind the door while Peter hides behind the kitchen counter paying more attention to the extra homework his Spanish teacher gave him because apparently, she wasn’t in the mood to be blackmailed by Peter.

Peter didn’t try to correct her.

 A few minutes later Clint forcefully slams the door and grins. “Smells like Lemon meringue pie, where is it?”

Peter snickers not daring to move from his hiding spot just yet.

“Right here,” Deadpool says weakly.

The door pulls back and Deadpool slouches forward his head partially covered in whip cream and lemon slices. Peter finally raises his head and snaps a photo on his phone, to show Ned later on.

“Fuck I really wanted pie now,” Clint grumbles moving towards the fridge. “Friday you did get a video of that right?”

“Yes I did,” Friday hums in contentment sounding almost pleased with her AI self.

Clint whistles and holds up three fingers, “Strike three.”

 Peter silently opens the fridge and takes out the other lemon meringue pie he had bought for just this reason. He sets it on the counter and continues pulling out plates and forks and stares Deadpool until he produces a long knife to cut the pie.

“I take that back,” Clint claps his hands dragging Deadpool next to him. “Strike two remains.”

*

**Day Four.**

 

Day four Peter actually stays at school while Deadpool pulls off the fourth prank. He has finals in several different subjects and he is not about to let a prank war fail him out of high school.

Blessed relief for him until lunchtime strolls around and M.J graciously points out that his StarkPad is ringing (to the tune of Smack That by Akon).

“Wade what the hell?” Peter hisses angling himself away from M.J and   
Ned.

Wade flips the camera view showing off how sideways his prank went.

Deadpool is strung up by arrows and if Peter guesses correctly a few of Natasha’s knives. Barnes looks ready to toss a few in his general direction but then Deadpool shifts the view to show… Wanda and Vision kissing?

“Wade!” Peter really does try to keep his voice down but the rest of the table hears him and scoots closer, Ned peering into the screen besides Peter. “What did you do?”

Wade stutters repeatedly, dodging some carefully thrown knives. “Well ugh there was this magician and he sold me a ugh… love potion!” There’s a crash and a groan from Steve about valuables. “I said it’ll wear off! Anyways I thought why not make Clint fall in love with himself, but the idiot didn’t drink out of his intended glass…

Don’t make this my fault Clint! I gave you the glass with the skull stirrer for a reason. And gave it to Wanda who shared it with Vision and now they’re… ugh someone get them a room for the love of Wolverine’s balls!”

Peter ends the call there not interested to know how the rest of the day will go. Yup, nope, he will be skipping his afternoon visit to the Avengers compound.

*

**Day Five**

In the end it’s the simplest prank in the universe that gets to Clint.

Peter would just like everyone to know that he planned it and pulled it off, not Deadpool.

It starts off Saturday morning as Deadpool tries to explain another lengthy and horrible prank that Peter just knows will test the last of everyone’s patience with them. Instead Peter webs Deadpool’s mask in attempt to shut him up and goes and plucks five dollars from the swear jar.

“I’ll be right back, cook breakfast or something.”

 

 

Or something turns out to be painting Wanda and Natasha’s nails.

“You’re letting him do this?” Peter asks looking at the plain black polish Deadpool is currently applying to Natasha’s thumb.

“It was this or let him cook and I do not want him near my kitchens,” Wanda glowers at the assassin before blowing gently on her nails which are painted a bright red. “Whats in the bag Peter?”

Peter grins, “You’ll see.”

Wanda cooks breakfast and eventually everyone trickles in while Peter sets up the table carefully, making sure to take his time so the team has no choice but to sit while Peter makes sure there’s three forks and three spoons.

Wade serves out the food dressed in the same pink ruffled apron he had worn last time. Everyone gives him a second glance but he waves a white napkin around when Thor lifts Mjolnir and squeaks out, “It’s a truce, Peter and I call a truce!”

Clint is the last one to amble in, already sipping coffee from a mug that has Stark’s face on it. “Ah yes Wanda’s waffles—what the fuck is this dickbag doing here?”

Deadpool stands straighter and salutes, “On serving duty Hawkeye.”

“Is this a prank? Tell me it’s a prank,” Clint looks around the room but only Natasha gives him an answer a slight shake to her head.

“There’s nothing I’ve searched the room and the two’s bags.” Natasha shrugs again and motion for Clint to sit.

Peter watches as Clint fills up his plate, Deadpool putting extra whip cream and strawberries and winks at him. Or at least that’s what Peter will interpret the signs Deadpool makes at Clint.

Clint walks over to Natasha quickly giving Peter only a few seconds to sling his prank into place and hope that Clint sits in the right place. Peter himself sits across Clint shoving bacon slices into his mouth.

Clint sits and there’s a loud _Riiiippp_ sound.

Stark looks at Clint unimpressed. “You know there is a perfectly good balcony that you can do that at.”

“it wasn’t me swear!” Clint says glancing at Natasha.

“It wasn’t me idiot, obviously,” Natasha grumbles good-naturedly.

Clint shifts again a high _pffttt_ sound coming from him again. His face begins to turn red and Peter tries not to ruin the fun by drinking a large sip of milk.

“Goddamnit Clint no one wants to smell those! Take it outside man,” Sam exclaims staying by the coffee pot. Deadpool is distracting himself by spooning batter into his mouth and looking anywhere but Clint.

“Guys really do I think I’d let one rip at the breakfast table?”

Everyone quiets for a second before a chorus of “Yeahs!” and “Fuck yes!” erupts.

Clint shifts one more time a dull _hmmmpgh_ sound coming from him. “Last time Clint take it to the balcony or the bathroom,” Stark warns.

“Tasha help me out here it isn’t me, right?”

Natasha sniffs the air delicately, desperately trying to hold in her laughs. “I don’t know Clint it does kinda smell.”

Peter finally lets out a laugh, loud and high.  He slams his fists against the table and eventually rolls under it to avoid the pieces of fruit coming at him from Clint.

Deadpool starts giggling too bringing over another stack of waffles.

“We did it,” Peter heaves out. “We pranked the unprankable!”

Clint stands glancing down at his seat quickly. He grimaces and picks up the whoopie cushion Peter had placed there right when Clint had been sitting down. “Alright, you guys got me. I did not expect that one.”

The rest of the team starts laughing giving out high-fives to Peter and Wade.

Soon enough they settle into breakfast, everyone filling their plates twice. Peter thinks this as a mission gone right.

After breakfast, though Clint announces unceremoniously. “Well Peter and Wade, let the prank war officially begin with this…”

Clint picks up a cake and dutifully smashes it into Deadpool’s face.

Deadpool in turn pours orange juice onto Clint. Peter rescues Deadpool by shooting marshmallows at Clint and Natasha joins in by slapping Peter with a waffle.

A food fight ensures.  


	6. Peter and Deadpool and the not So Good Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers team takes their revenge out on the two pranksters that started the war. Pancakes are made and guns are frozen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so quick TW; theres brief mention of blood and violence halfway through this chapter that seems to have gotten away with me but nothing too nasty. Enjoy!

2 Months later

 

Peter’s spidey sense was going off at an alarming rate from the moment he woke up one lazy Sunday morning. He kept fidgeting throughout the day unsure what his spidey sense could be telling him, nothing bad was happening and the Assemble alarm hadn’t gone off once at all. It was starting to make him anxious, his chest feeling tight and his eyesight narrowing at the most random of things, from a dog barking a little too loud to Aunt May placing a gentle hand on his shoulder when he wouldn’t stop staring out the for an hour after breakfast.

It wasn’t until Aunt May called him for dinner did everything start clicking into place.

Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff were sitting at the dinner table, backs straight and grim faced. Stark was chatting with Aunt May gesturing towards Peter’s room.  

Nat catches Peter watching them and gives a slow smile, arching a brow at him before saying, “Looks like the little _Pauk_ decided to join us?”

“ _Pauk_?” Aunt May tries to say serving takeout Thai onto their best plates. Peter keeps his face free of emotion shrugging like he’s never heard Russian before.

“It means little Avenger,” Natasha lies smoothly promptly putting a dumpling into her mouth.

“Well this is a surprise guys what are you doing here?” Peter says sitting down next to Stark because nope Natasha might be his adopted Mama spider but she is still assassin. An assassin he exploded glitter on.

“Um,” Tony starts, wiping his mouth, “I came to offer him an internship that could possibly turn into a job as a personal assistant to the Avengers, Natasha just came for the food.”

Natasha gives a bright but controlled smile daintily shrugging. “Stark we must be going soon.”

“Yeah Yeah lemme finish this delicious food, you made this right?” Stark turns to May and Peter can feel his own cheeks heating up at the sight of Stark flirting with his aunt. He shares an eye roll with Natasha before she stands up and clears her throat.

“Stark.”

Tony stands up and pats Peter on the shoulder, “See you bright and early tomorrow right kid?”

“I have school,” Peter mumbles pushing around his Pad Thai.

“After school, come prepared for team building exercises,” Stark grins madly and Peter looks from Tony to Natasha. The Black Widow winks at him and Stark lets out a laugh that could be slightly evil if Stark was in his lab.

 

Peter decides the sinking feeling in his gut should be taken seriously. The prank war was still on and about to get 10x worse.

 

~

“Ned I don’t want to go, I just know they’re going to prank me and I haven’t heard from Deadpool in two months!” Peter hissed at Ned as the left school for the day.

“Petey! Whoohooo, over here!” A familiar voice called out making Peter want to sink into the floor.

“Wade,” Peter whispered yelled pulling Ned along towards the mercenary who was waving Katanas around like flags. “Stop that, no stop!”

“Come on Mr. Winter Soldier said there was going to be tacos for dinner tonight,” Deadpool said making grabby hands towards peter. “The sidekick is not invited.”

“Ned’s not my sidekick,” Peter huffed waving goodbye to Ned who was all but running away from Deadpool.

“Oops wrong movie,” Deadpool chirped before shoving Peter face first into the taxi.

Peter admitted defeat, keeping his face pressed against the seat while Deadpool maneuvered around him. Maybe he could actually take a nap for trip up to Avengers compound.

 

~

At the Compound the two made their way to the Common room, Peter on edge the whole ride up while Deadpool chatted amiably about his latest venture with the X-Men that resulted in him going back in time for two weeks and meeting Wolverine, Cap, and Bucky all in the same universe.

It was starting to make Peter’s head hurt just a little bit. “There’s no such thing as time travel Wade,” Peter sighed trying to keep up pretenses.

“Tell that to Wanda and the X-Men. Man Vintage Barnes shot me in the ass just like Modern-Ex-Assassin Barnes did.”

You probably deserved it, Peter thought unwilling to voice his opinion because usually whenever Deadpool came out with stories like these it was because he was a little more unhinged than Peter liked to believe.

 

Surprisingly there was two plates of tacos and two bottles of cokes on the dining table but no Avengers milling about. You’d think at least one of them would be around to make sure the prank was set in place.

“Ooo tacos, come to daddy,” Deadpool squealed sitting quickly in one of the chairs.

Peter sat down more hesitantly looking around for Clint or Wanda, even straining to catch Nat. The team did not just make tacos and not have a party about it.

A piece of paper catches Peter’s eye across the table and uses a fork to bring to bring it closer to him.

‘ _Sorry we ate without you, join us in the gym afterwards.’_

 

Its about five minutes into them eating a blood curdling scream sounds from somewhere down the hall

“Do we trust it?” Deadpool frowns pulling out a small revolver. “I only brought the small guns.”

Another scream has them running down the hall near the elevators.

The one in the middle opens up revealing Wanda covered in dirt and her clothes torn in various places, what looks like blood smeared across her forehead and chest. “Help! Quickly we need help,” she gasps reaching out towards Peter and Wade before collapsing on the ground.

Wade and Peter blink once before springing into action, hurdling into the elevator and hitting the button that’ll lead to the training floor.

“Loki, he’s—” Wanda chokes out, eyes flashing red.

“He’s what Wanda?” Peter asks sinking down to her level. Her eyes roll back into her head and she mutters something too low for even Peter’s enhanced hearing to pick up.

“Mad.” She whispers darkly before shutting her eyes.

“Well guys we’re fucked,” Deadpool mused looking at the security camera like there must be someone in there.

Peter felt a shiver go up his spine.

~

~

 

~

The elevator doors open up to darkness and the red glow of the Avengers alarm but the usual siren that goes with it is missing, leaving an eerie silence that has every hair on Peter’s arms stand up.

Peter looks down jumping when Wanda’s form starts to shimmer and dissipate into the darkness.

“No wait!” Peter yells grasping at tendrils of red energy.

“Good luck boys,” Wanda smiles widely giving Peter a wink before the rest of her disappears.

“And I thought the time I went to space and fought space dogs was the surreal,” Deadpool says as serious as he can, putting away the revolvers. He takes out twin daggers instead.

 

They walk a few steps out into a hallway before the seen before them changes. The alarms stop blaring the lights come on at full brightness, and the metal doors roll away from the gym doors.

“Oh no.” Peter barely whispers before two loud **POOF** s come from up above them.

A fine mist of glitter spray paint gets them all around, top to bottom. It even manages to coat Deadpool’s daggers in glitter. “What the actual fuck Parker.”

“You started it! You started the prank war Wade!”

 

They continue walking towards the gym doors on high alert for another prank from the sky.  

_Its too quiet_ Peter thinks if the rest of the team is pulling a prank on them surely at least Clint would’ve been laughing by now. What were they up to?

The doors to the gym slide open and Friday’s voice powers through, “Welcome Peter and Mr. Deadpool.”

“I’ve been advised to tell you to look up.”

Like the idiots they both are Peter and Wade look up to see Rhodey and Tony hovering above them ten feet in the air. Peter has just enough time to screw his eyes shut and brace for impact before Rhodey dumps pink foam on them while Tony dumps another bucket filled with bright blue feathers.

He can feel them sticking all over, to his hair and face, to his legs and arms. God how was he going to explain this mess to Aunt May?

The two Avengers float down, Stark giggling manically while Deadpool swings violently at him with the daggers, blue feathers covering the eyes of his mask. “Peter what’s going on, where’s Stark? I just saw him!”

“Wipe your face Wade,” Peter mutters trying to unstick a glob of feathers from his hair.

Rhodey and Stark continue laughing while Friday sets the lights to the right setting and turns back on all the machines, the familiar hum of the gym coming back to life. “You two should’ve seen yourselves, from the moment Wanda’s vision planted in your head!”

Stark laughs some more gripping Rhodey’s shoulder hard enough to leave a handprint on the metal. “Dude, lay off. And then the squeal you let out wade when she disappeared!”

Deadpool shrugs muttering something about how she’s scary cool. Peter can feel his face heat up. It was all a joke Wanda’s screaming for help and the eerie mood of the training floor. The obvious lack of Avengers on taco night. It all made sense now to Peter almost thirty minutes too late.

“Also we put laxatives in Wade’s tacos,” Rhodey says seriously, giving the merc a sorry look. “Take it up with Thor, you don’t just ruin chocolate chip cookies for the God.”

“I’d find a nice comfy toilet about, oh, several blocks away from the compound starting now.” Stark says sending a glare at Wade.

“Holy fuck shit, I can feel it now, everybody move!” Wade makes a run for it, straight to the communal locker rooms the team shares.

“Sweet sweet relief baby,” Deadpool yells, making the other three cringe.

“I ain’t cleaning it, nope.” Rhodey shakes his head pushing Tony away and launching into the air. “You’re a billionaire you can buy some medical grade cleaning supplies.”

Peter watches Tony turn several shades of red before he finally calms down, fingers twitching at his side. “So, does that mean there was no team bonding night?”

Tony gives him an unimpressed stare, “Kid team bonding night was pranking you the tacos were a plus which you should thank Barnes for. Mans actually a good cook.”

All Peter can manage is a loud swallow and an, “Oh.”

Stark sighs his face softening up a bit, “Go home kid, do your homework, get ready for the next round tomorrow.”

“Next round?” Peter asks in surprise, eyes widening.

Tony smiles before taking off who knows where, leaving Peter in the gym with the sounds of Wade’s stomach.

~

 

The next day Peter finds himself sleepily dragging into school. He had stayed up too late trying to wash off all the glitter and feathers from his hair after he had to explain to Aunt May that the Avengers were having a prank war and that he got caught in the middle of it… which led to him trying to talk May out of calling Tony Stark at one in the morning.

That wasn’t even counting the two hours it took for Wade to get a grip on his digestive system long enough to leave the compound.

He barely registers the insults Flash and a few of his friends throw his way, slamming himself against the lockers and pawing at his locker combo.

“Wow what did they do to you?” Ned whispers in awe. Peter shrugs letting out a yawn and finally pulling open his locker. “Why are there feathers on your shirt?”

Peter lets out a groan, his head hitting the edge of his locker. “Prank war at least I made it out with my dignity. Wade not so much.”

“What happened to Deadpool?” Ned whispers his voice going lower.

 “Bad tacos, I don’t think he’s left the toilet in hours.”

The bell rings and they leave it at that, scurrying into their respective classrooms. Peter barely makes it time to his, slipping into a seat in the back next to M.J.

“Well don’t you look like shit.”

~

He’s dozing off in chemistry instead of writing down formula equations when his phone goes off loudly.

 Peter sits straight up he realizes its his Stark phone, the one all the Avengers were issued as ‘secure business’ phones that they all use to group text plans for movie night and set up outings into the city, or in Wanda and Natasha’s cases girl nights and spa days that somehow him and Bucky get wrangled into.

He focuses on the phone diving for his backpack and pulling everything out before just dumping all its contents on the lab table.

‘A Star-Spangled Man with a Plan’ blares loudly at Peter until he finds the Stark phone hiding under a few notebooks and his web shooters.

“Peter would you mind turning your phone off please”? His teacher asks sternly coughing daintily when Peter answers the phone instead of hanging up.

“No no—” he cries when the screen flips up into a hologram of Natasha decked out in her Widow gear obviously driving her precious Lambo.

“Whoa Parker when did you get a Stark phone?”

“Is that the Black Widow?”

“Class quiet down.”

Natasha gives him a flat stare, changing the camera view to show Wade sipping on coconut water and playing with a pink My Little Pony horse. “Someone left the trash outside the front door Parker,” she hisses but Peter can tell there’s no real bite in her voice. She must have picked him up on her own. “Stark requests your presence in an hour for tea, extraction in thirty.”

Natasha smiles widely giving Peter a genuine one complete with that laugh of hers that means your all but dead. Peter wants to believe she’s just giving the class a show.  

She winks hitting a button off screen before signing off.

‘A Star-Spangled Man with a Plan begins blaring over the intercoms.

Peter gently puts away the phone trying not to meet any of his classmate’s glares. M.J sighs loudly before slipping on her headphones. Flash throws a pencil at him while Ned just shakes his head and slips on his own headphones.-+

“Detention, after school tomorrow since it seems the Widow is picking you up.” Peter’s teacher says looking a little pale, probably re-thinking her life of becoming a teacher here.

 

 

The next thirty minutes of Peter’s life are either A Star-Spangled Man with a Plan and Shoot to Thrill. Peter almost misses Principal Morita calling him into the office that his guardian is here to pick him up.

As Natasha is signing him out she winks at Peter and asks brightly, “So was your granddad a Howlie?”

Principal Morita sighs, sitting back in his chair. “My granddad did not fight alongside Captain America to have this blasted song played into the twenty-first century.”

Natasha bares her teeth and grabs Peter’s should shaking her head as they exit the office and the school altogether.

“Barnes made cookies.” Is all she says as she elegantly kicks Wade to the back seat and puts the car in drive.

~

 “Eat the fucking cookies Wade!” Bucky yells throwing a knife at the merc. It lands inches from his hand and the plate of cookies.

“Nope.”

Peter quietly shoves another one in his mouth, they were actually pretty good. Chewy with raisins and chocolate chips.

“Fucking child!” Bucky yells again throwing another knife in the general direction of Wade. It lands in his shoulder and Wade makes a disgusted noise.

“Rude,” he coos but grabs a coo*+kie either way. He lifts his mask and shoves the cookie in his mouth following it with milk.

They finish the plate of cookies and milk and Peter is about to ask if Barnes can make another batch when Bucky sets a box of dog treats on the counter. He rests his elbows on the counter batting eyelashes at two of them. Peter can already feel his stomach churning as his brain puts the pieces together.

“How’re the cookies pals?” Bucky drawls, the plates in arm whirring and grating.

“I think I’m going to throw up,” Peter sighs before making a run towards the closest bathroom.

“Not bad actually can you make some more?”

~

The following afternoon after detention Peter decides to skip going to the compound and decides to patrol Queens instead, he’s been so caught up with the whole prank war he’s let some goons get away with theft and harassment. Hell, even Jessica had sent him a message telling him to grow up and put some bad guys in jail.

He puts on his suit pulling the mask over his head and reaches for his web shooters that usually lay on his desk.

“Where did I put them?” he whispers to himself, pulling out the drawers and re-checking his backpack.

Twenty minutes later no web shooters are found in his bedroom. “I hope I didn’t leave on the kitchen counter again?” Peter mutters to himself and goes in search of his web shooters in the kitchen.

Peter up ends the entire kitchen to no avail. In his frustration he opens the freezer to scream into it only to find frozen, in a weirdly reddish block of ice, his web shooters. Peter decides to still scream into the freezer.

“Wandaaaa!”

 

On the other side of town Deadpool desperately tries to unfreeze his guns with a blow dryer and an old high heel he found in the back of Versace.

Each time he makes a dent in the giant ice block a wave of red energy slithers up the ice and repairs the dent or hole.

“Mama help me.”

~

A new week starts off with Peter running late to Avenger practice. There was extra homework to do and then that homework got tossed into a trashcan by mistake (not) and then Deadpool decided to join him saying he wanted to be a real Avenger too! (“No ones considering you for the Avengers Wade.” “But I turned in my application three weeks ago!” “No Wade!” “I’m still coming to practice.”)

Peter bursts into the training at full speed flinging a recently defrosted web at the ceiling and pulling himself ahead of Deadpool. “WE’RE HERE!”

 

After practice Steve keeps fidgeting, smiling at Bucky each time Peter or Wade move so much as an inch. And here Peter thought the prank war was over.

“Well I don’t know if superheroes have the same needs I do but I’ll be in the shitter.” Wade says giving everyone a serious look before heading off to the bathrooms down the hall.

“Why does he think we don’t have any normal bodily functions?” Bruce asks after he leaves. Everyone shrugs muttering different reasons and opinions as to why Deadpool thinks they’re inhuman as to why Deadpool was even here.

“What the shit Rogers?” Deadpool screams at the top of his lungs.

 Steve has a full ten seconds of looking alarmed before him and Bucky start laughing.  

“What did you two do?” Natasha asks warily watching the hallways with a keen eye.

“Nothing,” Bucky and Steve whisper as boots sound down the hallway.

Deadpool appears from around the corner pant-less and with saran wrap tangled all around him. Peter quickly looks down, there were some things he didn’t need to know about Wade. “What an original prank Cap.”

Somewhere he can hear Tony hit his head against the table, a glass spilling over. “Friday time to tune up the security protocols.”

“Yes sir.”

~

~

~

It’s a boring Thursday evening that finds Peter shadowing Bruce in one of the labs. Bruce mutters to himself going over formulas and writing down variables into one of the many notebooks scattered in different places. Peter doesn’t question it he knows an organized mess when he sees one.

He likes watching Bruce work its calmer than watching Tony who drags him in every project that he thinks Peter could be of use of. The only thing is watching Bruce work can be a little boring what with the relaxation music and lavender candles burning it kinda makes Peter want to take a nap.

“Bruce do you have anything to drink in here?” Peter asks, he didn’t exactly feel like taking the elevator three floors up to the common area.

“Yeah yeah in that fridge by the metal table,” Bruce waves in the general direction of where he talking about and Peter makes his way over to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of ginger ale.

He downs in it in a few seconds wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He thinks maybe he has a few candy bars in his backpack he could eat too.

“Wait did you drink that?” Bruce snaps. “Don’t move!”

Peter freezes holding his breath. “Why?” he squeaks out.

Bruce starts pacing tearing at his hair. “Oh no, Starks going to kill me. Don’t move, if you move you die!”

Peter can feel himself topple over the moment before it happens. He hits the ground hard but still refuses to move a muscle, still trying to hold in his breath.

Then Bruce starts laughing, loudly. “Peter its okay. Its okay Peter, stand up you’re not going to die.”

Peter stands up slowly, shaking out his tense muscles. “What was that for?”

Bruce laughs one more time shaking his head. “For slamming a pie in my face.” Peter tries to ignore the way Bruce’s eyes flash green for a moment and stays on the floor in a heap.

 

Dignity? What dignity. Peter Parker hasn’t had dignity since he joined the Avengers.

~

~

 

Peter face plants into the sofa early Saturday morning hoping that Aunt May will let him off the hook this one time and believe him when he says, “Mr. Stark doesn’t need me today can we go get pancakes?”

May lets out a small laugh waving a spatula at Peter. “Don’t think so kiddo, eggs are cooking and Mr. Stark always needs you on Saturdays.”

“Not this Saturday,” Peter tries again weekly even as Aunt May studies the “schedule” Pepper print out every two weeks.

“Says here 10 am to 6 pm, the usual.”

“I’ll go get dressed,” Peter mumbles hoping that the prank war is finally over and its just a normal team bonding Saturday.

 

 

 

When Peter gets to the common floor he finds Bucky and Sam cooking the smell of pancakes and bacon mix with the sweet smell of vanilla and bananas. Natasha lounges on one of the couches sipping at coffee and reading a magazine in a language Peter can’t decipher.

He makes his way to the coffee pot mood brightening as he makes himself a cup and watches as Steve sleepily makes his way to the kitchen and stubs his toe on the counter. “Motherfucker!”

“Ten bucks in the swear jar,” Bucky grumbles pushing a tin can towards Steve while flipping pancakes.

“When did we have a swear jar?” Steve demands opening the fridge and taking out the orange juice.

“Today. I need a new rifle, ten bucks Stevie.”

“Nope, you gun buy yourself a rifle with your own money, morning Peter!” Steve waves and plunks down next to Nat, picking up her feet gently and laying them on his lap.

The rest of the team trickles in picking at the banana bread and sugar cookies while the pancake stacks get higher and higher. Peter relaxes completely ignoring the fact the Clint hadn’t show up for breakfast yet.

“Tony! I thought I told you to keep the trash out of the front door!” Pepper yells walking into common room dragging Deadpool by the literal ear. “Deal with him. And no more holding the guards at knife point Wade.” Pepper raises a brow before turning on her heel snatching a slice of banana bread and a piece of bacon and storming out the room.

“So,” Tony drawls waving a hand at the general vicinity of Deadpool. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I came for pancakes! Today is pancake day right, please tell me I got it right?” Deadpool squeals hopping from foot to foot.

A loud thud comes from the vents making everyone look up. Peter watches the others carefully if one of them pulls out a weapon then Peter will make a run for it because it is too early in the day for Avenging. There was a rule.

More banging come through the vents and just when Peter see Bucky reach for a knife there’s a loud, “Oh Shit!” and the vent falls away.

A blur of black and purple falls from the ceiling and lands in an ungraceful heap behind Deadpool. “Son of a—” Clint mutters shaking himself off. His bow clatters to the floor next to him arrows scattering around the tile.

“You!” Clint screeches pulling out an arrow and notching an arrow.

“You!” Deadpool screeches.

Before he can turn around Clint releases the arrow and Peter has to stop the laugh that threatens to come out with a snort as the arrow sticks itself firmly in Wade’s ass.

“Why does everyone go for the ass?” Deadpool sighs slumping towards the floor.

“Breakfast is ready,” Sam deadpans rolling his eyes at the mess on the floor.

 

 

Breakfast was coming to a close as Peter lounged on the sofa watching Nat and Bucky play Mario Kart while Steve and Tony were forced to wash the dishes.

He loses track of time, dozing off and on as the rest of the team moved around him settling into the typical routine that Saturdays held when the world was not being threatened or ending.

“Let him be Clint,” He hears Natasha whispers sounding uncharacteristically annoyed. “He’s sleeping.”

“No, its not over until Stark sings.”

“Start singing Tony,” Natasha whisper yells.

“For Team Avengers!”

A cold mass hits Peter square in the face around the same time Tony starts singing God Bless America at the top of his lungs.

Peter sits up clawing at his face and chest trying to get the goop and crust off of him. Pie, it was a freaking pie.

He gives Clint the best glare he can manage while covered in whip cream and lemon meringue before he lets out a giggle that might or might not be a little hysterical and starts eating it.

“Pie anyone?”

Everyone else starts laughing while Clint goes and pulls three more pies. “There’s cherry, lemon, and of course apple dig in.”

The team makes their way over to the counters and start cutting their own pieces of pie. Steve takes a slice from all three while Bucky claims half the cherry pie as his. Wanda takes pity on Peter and uses her powers to help clean off the mess without him having to take a shower all over again.  He finally settles back into the couch with Wanda as they set up a game of life.

“So, does this mean the prank war is over?” Deadpool says calmly making everyone jump and flinch.

“Why is he still here? Friday?” Tony asks quietly putting his head in his hands.

“Wade get a slice of pie and shut the hell up,” Clint says. “Yes, the war is over.”

Peter laughs quietly and looks around. Finally, normal team bonding can resume.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took me way to long to write and then I finished writing it and I lost my internet but its here FINALLy! the last chapter thank you to everyone whos read it and left kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! find me on tumblr : 75-jetblckheart.tumblr.com


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